


Thinking of you till it hurts

by Atalto



Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: (technically) - Freeform, Angst, Bad coping mechanisms, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Depression, Don’t copy to another site, F/M, Fluff, Getting Together, Grieving, Hurt/Comfort, I have a lot of headcanons, Lance (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, Lance is a twin, Lance isn't coping, Langst, M/M, Marriage, Multi, Polyamory, Post Season 8, Shiro (Voltron) Has PTSD - Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder, mental health
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-03
Updated: 2019-01-05
Packaged: 2019-10-03 19:38:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 17,893
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17290139
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Atalto/pseuds/Atalto
Summary: Since the end of the war, Lance can safely say his life has been less than stellar. He's shut himself off, he's not coping with Allura's death, and if he's being honest, he doesn't see much point in existing.Then he gets a call from Shiro, and lets the man completely turn his life upside down with the help of someone neither of them expected.But is this right?





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Here it is boys
> 
> A little fic based on some crackish server discussions became THIS behemoth. I'd like to thank Cam and Ashes for giving me both this idea and the motivation to write, and the wondrous Kitty for beta-ing!!!!!!!!  
> I also want to thank Mint and her gf for standing in as Curtis' mums.  
> It's been an honour flying with you folks - here's to a lot more fanfic to come!
> 
> Part two will be posted Saturday evening. Title and epigraph from All out of Love by Air Supply.
> 
> Enjoy!

_I wish I could carry your smile in my heart,_

_For times when my life seems so low,_

_It would make me believe_

_What tomorrow would bring_

_When today doesn’t really know._

He sees Lance at the half built memorial, lonesome and solitary at the top of the excavated hill.

"Thought I'd find you here."

Lance jumps at the sound of his voice, turning on his heel in shock. He looks _so tired_ , even more than he did the last time any member of the team saw him, with the bags under his eyes only accentuated by the marks so high on his cheekbones.

When Hunk said Lance hadn't been sleeping right, he never thought it would be this bad.

"Shiro," Lance breathes, smile fixing itself on his face, "what are you-" he stops himself, face screwing up in thought- "how are you?"

"I feel like I should be asking you that," Shiro returns with a grimace - he's an old master of avoiding the elephant in the room, so he knows when Lance is attempting to worm around a question, "I haven't seen you in a while."

He holds his hand out in greeting, letting Lance take it and pulling him into a hug. It's nice, particularly since Lance has never been really clingy with anyone except Hunk, and having contact with someone other than Keith is a nice chance of scene.

Eventually, Lance pulls slightly away, running a hand through his hair and turning back towards the memorial.

"I'm alive," he replies with a half-hearted laugh, hand still interlinked with Shiro's, "I guess I can't ask for much more than that right now."

There's a sadness in his eyes, and it breaks Shiro's heart every time he glances over to see it. He almost yearns for the old Lance, but he knows he won't be seeing that again anytime soon, and that's okay; Shiro knows first-hand how horrible the grieving process is and how long it can take.

He wants to be there to help.

"I know," Shiro replies, giving Lance's hand a squeeze and turning back to the memorial itself, "this is going to be gorgeous once it's complete."

Lance smirks at that, and Shiro guesses that he must've had some input into the design. "Isn't it just?" He crows, hand fixing on his hip, "Coran asked me to help-"

_Ah, knew it._

"-so I put together all the stuff she loved, y'know? Like the juniberries and a super strong statue - just like her!"

There's a big grin on his face now, and a faint glow from the markings that bounces off his shirt collar in the setting sun. "I think she'll like it - she _would_ like it, sorry."

A heavy silence settles between them, Lance's face falling at the slip of his words.

"Don't apologise," Shiro says quietly, moving back to glance at Lance, "how are you coping?"

"I'm fine," Lance states quickly, brow furrowing, "I'm living with Mama again, she's good, and Marco's trying to put me in touch with one of his therapist friends. I'm fine, really."

If Shiro's being honest, he doesn't look fine, but he feels like that topic is a conversation for another day.

Nevertheless he hums, noticing how Lance was thoroughly avoiding eye contact. "If you're sure."

Lance nods, slowly at first, almost as if he is confirming the idea of being okay with himself rather than Shiro.

"Anyway," Lance starts, turning back to face Shiro, "what are you doing these days? Staying on Altea for a bit?"

"I wish," Shiro replies with a tired laugh, running his free hand through his hair, "I'm just here for a pit stop, I'm needed back on the Atlas tomorrow."

As if on cue, Atlas hums in his head; she's been nothing but a gentle, steady conscience for him to lean on since the war ended. It's a hum of appreciation, and he grins at the experience.

"They'd be lost without their captain," Lance says with a grin, "where are you off to next?"

Shiro pauses in thought. "Earth, I think - Sam wants to check in with Pidge and Matt, see how they're settling."

"And you?"

"I- I don't know," Shiro stutters, taken back suddenly by the urgency of the question, "I guess it'll be nice to see Matt again, but I don't have anything I particularly miss - I don't have any family left, and my friends are here."

The memory of Allura's last words to them seem to echo in the air, and Lance gives Shiro's hand a squeeze as he averts his previously bright gaze once again.

"Where are you staying whilst you're here?"

"Sam booked us a hotel room in the city," Shiro answers - finally, an easy question, "then we set off tomorrow morning, get to Earth about lunchtime - it's all become quicker since Romelle learned to use the teladuv."

"Allura never finished training her, did she?" Lance muses with a grimace, "how did she learn?"

"Trial and error, mostly." Shiro laughs, thinking of the times they've ended up on the other side of the universe due to a dodgy wormhole or two. "But she's, maybe, eighty-eight percent successful now?"

"Where the hell have you ended up?"

"Well, put it this way," Shiro starts, "we found a planet completely made of manure the last time we tried to get back to New Olkarion - Colleen was in _heaven,_ but Iverson? Not so much."

They share a laugh, and for a brief moment it's as if nothing has changed.

"So he had to go down with her?" Lance asks through a laugh.

Shiro nods. "Sam refused - he came back and _completely_ stank the bridge up."

"Sounds nuts, dude," Lance says with a grin, the first proper smile  Shiro had seen the entire time he'd been here, "wish I had seen that."

And then, the silence returns.

Of course, the paladins aren't needed now. Red has been functioning as little more than a jumped up sports car for Lance to zip around space to see his friends with, as opposed to the war machine of three months ago. The only reason Atlas has been so active was because they still had a large amount of democracy to do, races to rebuild and allies to make.

Voltron hasn't been used once since Honerva died.

"Maybe you could come back with us?" Shiro suggests before he can stop the words from coming out of his mouth, "we'd love to have you on board, just like old times."

He also can't stop the warmth in his chest and the racing of his pulse whenever he sees Lance, and the dark thoughts that plagued his mind ever since him and Allura became an item.

Maybe because Lance wouldn't want to be burdened with him, broken and tired, or maybe because he knew Allura was better than him. A better leader, a better person, a better friend.

Lance coughs, and Shiro tears himself away from the downward spiral.

"I- I'd love to," Lance starts, but before Shiro can get hopeful, he notices the sadness in bright blue eyes, "but I should stay - I need to help with the memorial, and Mama needs help on the farm, and Coran needs help settling the Alteans in, and-"

"Lance," Shiro interrupts, placing his free hand on Lance's shoulder and ignoring as the younger man jumps under his touch, "It's okay, I understand."

Lance frowns. "I'm sorry - maybe next time."

"Just give me a call," Shiro replies gently, voice barely above a whisper, "you know we'd turn on a dime to come and pick you up."

Lance smiles sheepishly, moving his hand out of Shiro's to wrap his arms around Shiro's middle, tight and sudden as Shiro moves to return the hug. He throws one hand over Lance's shoulders, settling the robotic one on the small of his back, and squeezes like Lance's life depends on it.

From here, all he can smell is Lance, from the farm-gained earthy scent on his clothes to the gentle hint of juniberry that seems to hang from his hair like an old ghost.

"You're doing amazingly," he practically whispers, aware of a dampness that was forming on the Garrison issue jumper where Lance has rest his head, "she would be so proud of you, you know that."

Lance mumbles something intelligible against his jumper, eventually giving up and just holding Shiro tighter.

Something about this tells Shiro that Lance hadn't been held like this in a _long time_.

"Do you think so?" Lance eventually asks instead, rough voice a direct contrast to the chirpy man of five minutes ago, and Shiro nods.

"Without a shadow of a doubt."

They stay here for a long while, or at least what feels like ages as minutes stretch into hours. Lance cries himself out against Shiro, who begins to sway back and forth gently as his sobs echo around the clearing.

It's heartbreaking, and Shiro doesn't know what to do.

So he just holds Lance, and sways, and prays that everything will be okay. He asks every god or goddess he can remember the name of - both old and current, earthen and alien - that Lance will be okay. He asks for an end to his suffering, that it will get better soon; he's never been religious, but he's at a loss for what to do otherwise.

He also wants to press his lips against Lance's forehead, promise it's all going to be okay and take him for a nice dinner at one of the new restaurants that had popped up in the city.

He doesn't, though.

"I should go," Lance eventually mumbles, pushing himself away with what feels like reluctance, "I- Mama's cooking, she doesn't like me to be late."

Before Shiro has time to bid him farewell, Lance is leaving, running down the steps to the memorial with his sleeve wiping against his cheek.

And just like that, Shiro is alone.

* * *

 

That night, Lance dreams of Allura.

At this point, it's not unusual. He dreams of Allura most nights, filling her in on his daily life. It's stupid when he admits it out loud, and Mama _definitely_ wouldn't condone it, but sometimes it's the only thing that'll get him through a day.

Today, it's their bedroom back on the Atlas. She's cuddled against his side, holding his arm around her shoulders and resting her head under his chin. The single juniberry flower is thriving in the pot, and their photo is still proudly framed on the bedside table, like it was before Lance smashed it in a fit of grief shortly after her death.

"So, how was your day?" Allura asks tenderly, reaching up with a silken hand to twist a lock of Lance's hair around her finger, "eventful?"

Lance sighs contently, one hand flopping onto her middle as he curls in against her. "Not really," he admits, revelling in the feeling of her body pressed against his, "your statue is going up tomorrow."

Allura giggles. "Does it look good?"

"I designed it, so it's flawless," Lance boasts jokingly, feeling the rush of breath against his jacket as Allura snorts, "I think it makes you look stunning, as usual."

"If you say so," Allura replies, moving her head to meet Lance's lips sweetly with her own, "dress or armour?"

"I wanted armour," Lance says with a pout, earning a raise of Allura's eyebrow, "but Coran and the Alteans wanted you presented as a princess rather than a paladin, y'know?"

"My darling, why does it matter?" She asks, kissing him again and cupping his face with one hand, "I am both, what I'm wearing shouldn't change that _."_

"True," Lance whispers, hand sliding up her arm to rest on her neck tenderly, "but you'll always be Allura to me."

He kisses her again, and again, and again, sweet little pecks against her immortally soft lips that he'll savour forever. She hums against his lips, leaning their foreheads together until their noses bump and breath mingles in the protected space around them. Here, nothing can harm them, hurt them, or come between them; it's just Allura and Lance, not paladins, not guardians, not saviours.

He misses this.

"Have you seen anyone recently?" Allura asks, voice barely above a whisper, quirking her brows once again when Lance stalls.

"Of course!" He protests, pouting as Allura sends him a look of pure disbelief, "I saw Shiro today, and - get this - we had a proper conversation! Without talking about Keith or Voltron! Who'd have thought it?"

"I'm sure you'll be best of friends soon," she replies wryly, kissing his forehead in apology, "what's he been getting up to?"

"He's still Captain of Atlas, no change there," Lance informs her, "still jetting around the universe with no end in sight, it's amazing."

"Why do I get the feeling that there's a 'but' coming?"

"There isn't one!" Lance objects, sitting up so quickly he hits his head on the top of the bed, "there isn't one, promise."

Allura grins, a hand smoothing over the bump on his head. "Sure."

"It's just-"

"Go on-"

Lance sighs, leaning once again onto Allura's shoulders. "He invited me to come with him today."

"And?"

"I said no."

Allura frowns at that, sitting up to look down at him. "Why the quiznak did you say that?"

"I don't know!" Lance exclaims, moving to bury his face in her chest, "I panicked I guess - and, like, don't think I'm weird or anything, but I'm not ready to leave you yet."

"Lance-"

"I'll watch the memorial go up," he states, aware of the worry in her voice, "I'll make sure Mama is okay, and Altea is settled, and then I'll go with him, okay?"

"I'll hold you to that, young man," she replies, a stern phrase that she definitely learnt from Mama, "you can't spend your life in my shadow."

"I know, I know - I just need some time." He sighs, feeling that emptiness flood through his veins like a black hole once again.

Allura clicks her tongue, and takes his face in her hands once again. "I know, darling, I know," she coos, slowly peppering kisses down his face, "but Shiro's offer might do you some good."

"I-"

"Let's leave it there for tonight," she states before breath can even leave his lips, "I love you, don't forget that."

"And I you," he replies like clockwork, and it's the only thing he can be sure of right now. Feelings are swimming in his head like betta fish, colourful and distracting. He wants to leave, but the urge to stay is grasping at him with iron shackles that keep him chained to the ground. He wants to fly, to see the universe and all it has to offer, but Home has his heart under lock and key. He loves Allura, but this _need_ to follow Shiro is writhing and confusing in all the feelings that come with it, of admiration and respect, and something that feels like love but he doesn't want it to be, _it can't be-_

He wants to live, but at the same time, he might as well die.

"Stop thinking," Allura interrupts, pressing her lips to his again with a passion and intensity he never thought he'd experience. He feels his head hit the pillow, Allura rolling slowly on top of him as their lips begin to move against each other in a beautiful, impossible dance.

In the back of his mind, he knows this isn't real. This is a fucked up coping mechanism that he can't stop, that he won't stop. Mama would call him crazy, Shiro would probably call him a freak-

But Allura's hand is under his shirt now, eternally filed fingernails dancing across sensitive skin, and he puts off those thoughts for one more night-

He wakes up messy, hot, and alone in his bedroom on the farm, and tears begin to mingle with the sweat on his face as reality hits him like a ion cannon blast.

Allura is dead, he reminds himself like he does every night, one of the final steps in the fucked up ritual he calls handling his emotions.

But the memories of Shiro's words are playing on his mind, raw and coppery in his thoughts. Shiro would probably be awake, lord knows the man never slept. Hopefully he won't mind a brief chat, just to help Lance's racing pulse and heaving breath.

So he does what the twenty-going on-twenty-one-year-old never imagined himself ever doing.

He calls Shiro.

* * *

 

He never actually left his family's farm.

Instead, Lance would, without a single day off, ring Shiro every night. It's always late, usually between ten and midnight, and he's always exhausted but can't sleep from the images that have made their home behind his eyelids. Shiro is always open to talk, with a smile in his voice every night, and they'll talk about everything and yet nothing at all. Lance will regale him with the shit that him and his siblings got up to that day, and the progress of new Altea. Whilst Shiro would counter with new expeditions and alien species that they had met on their travels.

If Lance is honest, he's starting to get a bit of a crush.

But he tells himself it's not a crush, not when he sweats a little at the thought of ringing Shiro, and his heart rushes like a waterfall in his ears. He tells himself he still loves Allura, when he's hanging on every word Shiro says. He tells himself he's still grieving and that he needs more time, when every time the dial tone echoes after Shiro hangs up the emptiness hits him like a freight train. Soon, Lance realises that, hey, maybe it is a crush, and that might just be okay now.

It's easily been a year since that first call, and Lance still trembles like a schoolgirl at the thought of him.

At this point, he thinks he's as ready as he'll ever be. He has a plan; ask Shiro when he's next on Altea, prepare a nice meal _without the parents this time,_ and do some stargazing. Maybe he'll kiss him, maybe he won't, but he'll certainly tell Shiro how he feels.

And maybe, Shiro will like him back, smile that small, rare smile that Lance fantasises is kept only for him whilst taking him into strong arms again like the last time they met face to face. Shiro might apologise for being away a lot and Lance will shake his head and kiss his tears like a romantic-era hero. It'll be perfect, or it won't, and that'll be perfect too.

Maybe Shiro won't like him back. That wouldn't be perfect. Lance tries not to think about that.

It's only after a certain amount of coaching from Mama and Rachael that he's able to pick up the phone when the sun comes up. Rachael is even sat across from him on his bed, grinning in support with her fingers crossed in her lap. When the dial tone begins, he returns her grin, an unspoken promise of support between the twins.

_"Hello?"_

"Shiro, hi!" Lance begins, rolling his eyes at Rachael's miming for him to calm down, "are you busy right now?"

There's a period of silence on the end, interspaced by footsteps and a murmur of official-sounding voices, before Shiro gives a sigh of what sounds like relief. _"Thankfully not anymore,"_ Shiro says happily, _"I hope you don't mind, I just used you as an excuse to get out of the most boring board meeting of the week."_

Lance clicks his tongue. "I do have my uses."

_"So, what's up?"_

"Nothing much," Lance replies easily as Rachael turns back to her own phone in disinterest, "where are you now?"

 _"Some place called the frox nebula, at least, according to Veronica,"_ Shiro informs him, _"it's a little-"_ he trails off in thought- _"wacky."_

"Wacky?" Lance parrots, and Rachael sighs in disbelief, "interesting choice of words there, don't let the locals hear you say that."

They share a laugh, and Lance is suddenly aware that the only time he truly laughs anymore is when he's with Shiro.

"So, when are you coming back to Altea?"

 _"You know when,"_ Shiro answers with an amused laugh, and Lance's face falls as his brain rushes for notable events in the future, _"the memorial dinner is still next week, right?"_

Of fucking course it was.

"Oh, yeah, of course," he stammers, smile fixing on his face again as Rachael begins to look up worriedly, "I was just wondering if you were coming down anytime before that-"

 _"I doubt it,"_ Shiro says, and there's a hint of disappointment in his tone that sets Lance's hopeful heart on fire, _"They're not exactly big on taking holidays around here."_

"Oh, that's fine, don't worry-"

 _"Look, Lance, I was hoping I could just ask you something quickly,"_ Shiro interrupts, and Lance's face properly falls again as Rachael puts her phone down in interest, _"I've been meaning to ask someone for a while, and - well, it must be kept confidential for a while, and I trust you."_

Lance is suddenly aware his hands are sweaty where's he's holding the phone, and he runs his free hand through greasy hair as he takes a shaky breath. "Damn right you can trust me," he agrees, false confidence primed and ready to aim, "what's up my dude?"

_"I'm thinking of bringing someone with me, Lance- I've found someone."_

Shiro's tone is ecstatic, but Lance feels like the air has suddenly been knocked out of his lungs. The air in here is stale against his suddenly dry mouth, and all he can hear is his heart beating madly in his ears.

Maybe it's just a family member, he tries to assure himself.

Then he remembers that Shiro's first family died, his second family broke up with him and then got murdered by the Galra, and his third family split to opposite ends of the universe once the war ended.

"Can I ask who?" Lance asks, forcing some attempt at happiness for his _goddamn friend Lance remember that_.

 _"Ah, um, does the name Curtis Drake ring any bells with you?"_ Shiro asks hesitantly, but Lance is drawing blanks, _"he's the communications officer here on the Atlas, he fought the war with us."_

Of course he did. They probably have a big dramatic office romance and an elaborate and perfect get together once the war ended. He does vaguely know this Curtis bloke, if just as a face across a canteen; he was one of Kinkade's friends, often trained with the MFE pilots. He seems nice, unassuming, quiet.

Everything Lance isn't, basically.

He doesn't realise he's crying until Rachael's hand appears on his, eyebrows creased in a frown as she pulls one of Mama's hankies from her pocket.

Shiro is happy, he thinks, he's happy and you're here crying like a loser because you weren't fucking fast enough.

_"Lance?"_

"Sorry," he forces out, and loathes the way his voice breaks against his will, "Mama called, I'm back now."

 _"What do you think?_ "

He's going to have to lie. He can imagine Shiro's face already, brightly hopeful and with that gentle grin on his face that Lance now knows he doesn't own anymore.

"I'm sure it'll be fine," he replies, "everyone might be a little surprised, but they'll be happy for you - _I'm_ happy for you, you deserve this."

 _"Thank you,"_ Shiro all but breathes, and Lance swaps the phone between his trembling hands, _"he's really excited to meet you guys properly, and - god, I'm twenty-five and here I am blushing like I'm fifteen again."_

Lance can imagine his humble flush, how he's worrying his lip between his teeth in thought, how he's probably drumming metal fingertips against the nearest countertop, and each image is driving another knife through his gut.

"I'm happy for you," Lance repeats, "I really am."

 _"Thank you so much. I don't know what I'd do without you,"_ Shiro admits, and Lance is aware that the other man doesn't know exactly how much damage he's causing, _"It's just- I think I love him, Lance."_

It's that confession that drives Lance over the edge, and before he can stop it, hot tears are spilling out over his cheeks. They drip off his chin, leaving splatter marks on the bed sheets, and his hands are trembling so much that the phone is jumping against his ear.

"I'm sorry," he says quickly, "I have to go, see you next week."

He clicks the phone off before he can hear Shiro's reply, and Rachael urgently takes it off him before he can throw it against the wall.

He wants to be angry. He wants to scream and shout and rip something apart, to summon his bayard and shoot the wall next to him into fragments. The worst thing is, he's angry at Shiro; he's angry that Shiro could care so little about him that he flaunts his relationship in his face, and he's angry that Shiro chose someone that wasn't him. This rage boils up in him, volcanic and painful as Rachael pulls him into her arms and wipes his face with the hankie. It's almost like firecrackers in his veins, sparking and hot as his throat burns from sobbing.

Then he remembers he loves Shiro with most of his heart, and none of this was his fault.

Now he just feels sad.

Shiro has every right to be happy - in fact, Lance would say he deserves it more than the rest of them after everything he's been through. He's happy that Shiro's finally with someone who understands him, who can give him all that Lance couldn't over a flimsy phone line.

But he's also bitter. Bitter that Shiro's chosen a man that hardly knows him compared to how Lance knows him. This Curtis hasn't helped him through flashbacks, hasn't taken his hand gently and led him away from a Castle airlock at three in the morning. Curtis wouldn't have seen how Sendak got in his head so badly, wouldn't have lived through his death and his cloning and all the pain that came with it. He probably doesn't know what Shiro's been through, and might not ever understand.

Maybe he does. Who's Lance to know?

All he knows is that he's lost, again, and here in Rachael's arms, he doesn't know how to win.

* * *

 

"It's your meal next week," Lance tells Allura in his dream that night, cup of coffee materialising in his hands as Allura works over a traditional Altean dish that he never got to try, "I don't know how to face him."

"Like you always do," Allura replies easily, turning her head to give him a reassuring smile, the kind of which set the markings on Lance's face glowing in the dim light of the kitchen, "gracefully, and-" her face falls in judgement- "fakely."

"I don't think that's a word, Lura-"

"Well I'm making it one," she answers with determination, "just, be brave, be kind, be, well, yourself."

She smiles, turning properly from the countertop to delicately take Lance's coffee cup from his hands. It gets placed on the breakfast bar, which is apparently a blue hinted marble in Lance's fantasy house, before Allura takes Lance's hands in her own perfectly manicured ones.

"You are a good man, and a good friend," she continues, so earnestly that Lance can't help his eyes misting over, "even if Shiro isn't what you want him to be, he's still Shiro, _our_ Shiro, and we love him - _you_ love him-"

"I'm not debating that fact-"

"You know what I mean!" Allura exclaims with a playful laugh, swatting his arm playfully, "and maybe, it might turn sour in three weeks and you can swoop in to pick up the pieces of his heart."

That doesn't sound quite like Allura, but then again, this is a dream.

"We're terrible people," Lance replies, knocking their foreheads together with a smirk, "I don't wanna' be a rebound!"

"Then don't be," she replies simply, "just don't take as long this time."

"But what about you-"

"You can't stay like this forever, Lance," She says, and the air around them seems to change with her face, "I see your loneliness, your need for someone else-"

"But I have you," he protests, but Allura just shakes her head.

"I'm dead, Lance, I'm not with you in the way that you need," she states, bringing Lance's head down to kiss his forehead, "but I'm with you here-" she touches his chest gently, and Lance feels the familiar tingle on his cheekbones that states that the markings are glowing- "and here."

With that, she kisses the markings individually, before letting him look up into the beautiful blue eyes that he just wanted to drown in.

"Promise me you'll try to move on?"

Lance nods, but his veins feel rotten.

"I promise."

* * *

 

The week seems to fly by.

Before Lance knows it, Mama is fixing his bow tie with a huff, brushing off his shoulders as the meal ticks ever closer. He's fidgety, and it's pissing Mama off judging by the exasperated frown on her face, but he can't stop the shaking of his hands and the need to bounce his legs where he stands.

"This is about that Shiro boy, isn't it?"

" _Mama!_ "

She clicks her tongue, shooting him a knowing look. "I didn't raise my boy to be a homewrecker, so keep it together!"

"How- how do you know?"

"Rachael tells me everything," she leans in and whispers, like it's a deep secret that she reveals with a wink, "particularly when it involves my little boy and a lot of tears."

He feels an embarrassed flush spread across his face, before Mama pulls his head into her hands.

"It pained me to hear," she continues, "and when I get my hands on this man, I will make him regret not choosing my son, but we cannot change the ways of the heart."

"Mama..."

"That includes your own, you know," she continues, "Rachael said you might be beating yourself up after your lovely lady."

Wow, way to hit the nail on the head, Rachael.

"I'm fine," he admits - lies - with a pout, but Mama slaps his cheek gently. There's no real heat behind it - she would never hit him; instead, it's more of a wake-up call, to accept the help she's offering.

"When Marco's father died before you and Rachael were born, I thought I'd never love again," Mama says, and Lance feels his frown turn from one of annoyance to sadness, "and then I met your father, and realised I was stupid to have ever thought that."

She smiles, moving her hands down to his shoulders. "And who knows? Maybe Shiro will realise he's made a mistake, and then see just how wonderful my son really is and how _stupid_ he was to overlook him!"

"Mama!"

Mama just laughs brightly, and Lance has never loved her more. He quickly pulls her into a tight hug which she reciprocated gladly, before pulling back with a somewhat bigger smile on his face.

"You must go," she instructs, tilting her head over to the grandfather clock on the far wall, "they'll be waiting for you."

Lance presses his lips to her hair, before grabbing his phone off the mantelpiece and shoving it in his back pocket. "Okay, okay, I'm leaving!"

"And say hello to Hunk for me! Tell him I want that madras recipe that his Mama holds close!"

"I will!"

Outside, Red roars, and an eagerness to get moving soars through Lance's veins; Red hasn't seen his pride in a while, and mirrors Lance's own restlessness perfectly. It only increases when Lance gets into the cockpit, wrapping his hands around the control sticks with a happy sigh.

"Alright buddy, let's go see the gang."

 

* * *

 

He's not surprised that he's the last one there.

When he finally sets Red down, all the lions are stood side by side, circling the middle table that Coran must've set up for them underneath the memorial.

(All except Blue, who's space is taken up by Shiro's personal travel pod. She's been stationed on Altea ever since, and Lance swears she's got moss on her.

He makes a mental note to go and tidy her up one day.)

The others are waiting for him when Red finally sets his muzzle down, and he fixes his signature smirk as the exit opens around him. Revealed is a beautiful sight; a gentle light was dusted over the table from floating lamps at each corner, aided by the strings of colourful fairy lights that had been twisted around the statue and the poles that surrounded the memorial.

In the centre is a white table, tablecloth dancing gently in the breeze. Five people sit around it, and Lance is immediately greeted by laugher and the murmur of faraway talking. It's lovely to hear again, and it does nothing except make him realise just how much he's missed having these people around him everyday.

In some ways, it's a little like coming home.

"Hey, Lance!" Someone calls from the table, and Lance focuses to see Hunk turned in his chair, beckoning him over with a relaxed wave. "C'mon, we're all waiting!"

He doesn't waste a second more jogging over to the table, careful not to mess up his clothes after Mama had spent so long helping him.

When he gets there, it's great to see no one has really changed. Keith has a new scar that cuts over his left eyebrow, but the friendly smile on his face suggests it's not that big of a concern, and Hunk's choice of short-sleeves showcases a sleeve of new tattoos, and that's about it.

"I'm sorry I took so long," Lance apologises quickly, pulling his red marked chair out as a murmur of responses echoed around the table, "blame Mama - she says hi Hunk, by the way."

"How about I don't do that - your Mom is lovely," Keith argues, "I'm gonna' bet that you spent too long messing around with face masks again-"

"I'll make you into a face mask if you're not careful!" Lance calls back, but there's no anger to their insults anymore. Instead, it's brotherly banter, and Lance loves it.

"Now now," Pidge chastises from her space on Hunk's other side, "god, I thought you guys were supposed to be 'mature'?"

"I don't think the Blade recognises maturity as a usable skill," Shiro quips, earning a light punch from Keith, and Lance can't help but laugh.

It's at that point then, that he realises he doesn't recognise the man he's sitting next to.

"Didn't we have to take exams on that shit?" The unknown man questions, taking a sip of whatever liquid was in the ready filled glasses in from of them.

Hunk shrugs. "That's the human-Galra difference I guess - Keith punches things, we take exams."

"I'd rather punch things than take exams," Pidge grumbles as she looks into her own glass - she's not eighteen for another month or two, but the contents are the same as everyone else's.

Lance pouts. "But Pidge, you're the _green_ paladin, the _clever_ one-"

"You heard what I said."

On his left, Hunk snorts.

"I'll drink to that," Keith murmurs, before knocking back a decent portion of his own drink, "so, Shiro, Lance hasn't met your man yet."

Mystery man on Lance's right chuckles deeply, and if Lance looks hard enough he can see Shiro's ears turning red. He can also hear his own heartbeat in his ears, and puts his glass down before the sweat on his hands makes it slippery.

He's been dreading this.

"Oh yeah," he starts, hoping his voice won't tremble and betray the image he's trying so hard to put on, "Curtis, right?"

The man next to him - Curtis - nods once, turning on his seat to extend a hand in greeting.

"Takashi's told me a lot about you," Curtis says with a slight smile as Lance shakes his hand, "it's great to finally meet you."

"And you," Lance replies amicably, "Shiro's told _me_ a lot about _you_."

"Only good stuff I hope." He laughs slightly again, mostly at the embarrassed blush that has settled on Shiro's face.

From this angle, Lance can see _exactly_ why Shiro likes this bloke; he's friendly, genuine, seems to be able to take a joke or two. They bounce off each other well, in the way that Shiro never really could with the rest of them, and Lance is pretty sure they're holding hands under the table.

It also helps that he's kinda' cute-

_Get. It. Together._

Okay, he's not cute. No way in hell is this Curtis cute. They're not even a cute couple.

Lance grimaces and turns back to his drink. Hopefully there's some alcohol in it so he can drink his sorrows away once the meal's over.

"So, what's everyone doing these days?" Shiro asks distractingly, as some Altean waiters arrive around them to deliver a delicious-looking starter.

"Cooking for you diplomatic people back on the Atlas," Hunk says immediately with a sarcastic raise of his eyebrow as he shakes out his napkin to stuff into the front of his shirt.

Pidge tilts her head nonchalantly. "Helping Mom and Dad with some planetary defender modules," she says easily, as if the rest of them knew exactly what they were, "some new worlds need defending, but Voltron won't be there to help - hopefully, these will be."

To be fair, that is actually quite impressive. Lance knew the Holts were smart, but that just seems incredible.

"More Blade work," Keith says with a sigh, "it never seems to stop, but if it did, I think I'd get bored - I'm not complaining!"

"I'm helping on the family farm on the other side of Altea," Lance says when it's his turn, and he's suddenly aware he's mostly directing his words at Curtis rather than the rest of the group, who have turned to their own conversations, "so it's pretty much same shit, different day, y'know?"

"Same shit, different day," Curtis parrots, nodding slighting in agreement, "I like that."

"Luis' favourite phrase - Mama _hates_ it," Lance explains, earning a boyish laugh and wide grin from Curtis that makes his heart flutter for a reason he doesn't want to think about.

"Sums up our situation pretty well," Curtis adds, clinking his glass against Lance's before turning to his food - Lance picks up on how he counts the cutlery before him, almost as if he's never had a meal before with more than one knife and fork.

"What's that?" Shiro asks, slightly muffled through a mouthful of some alien fish terrine.

"Lance was just saying," Curtis starts, and Lance can't evade the blush that pelts his cheeks as Curtis looks between him and Shiro, "life's a little bit like same shit, different day at the moment."

Shiro nods heavily in agreement, dabbing at his mouth with his napkin. "I understand that," he says with a sympathetic grimace, "it feels like we're all on a loop at the moment."

"Which has its pros and cons," Curtis continues, the smoothness of their thoughts overlapping and flowing in a way that made Lance forget he actually has food in front of him, "never a boring day, right?"

Shiro cocks an eyebrow. "Sure, keep telling yourself that."

With that, Curtis reaches out and bats Shiro's arm, and that's when Lance realises that he's not really a member of the conversation anymore.

Instead, he focuses on his prawn cocktail and attempts to tune into what's happening around him. Keith looks intent on devouring what looks like pate on toast like a starved animal, whilst Pidge and Hunk are deep in a conversation about alien technology.

If Allura were here, she'd be talking to him, making sure he wasn't alone, but she's-

"So, Lance," Curtis suddenly speaks up next to him as hands appear between them to remove the now empty plates, forcibly pulling Lance out the spiral, "You're from Earth, but living on Altea - how come?"

If he could ask one question to God right now, he would ask why the hell this guy is so interested in him. He seems like he's doing all he can to keep Lance with them, and is interested in everything Lance says.

Lance isn't aware he's staring until he sees Shiro peek around Curtis' shoulder.

"Lance?"

"Ah, sorry!" He quickly apologises, fighting the blush away as Curtis shakes his head in support, "I wanted to stay here and help set up the new planet, and our family's farm got destroyed in the Galra raid anyway, so they moved here to help - I designed the memorial, see."

"Man, that's brave of you," Curtis says easily, and the blush strengthens as the waiters return, "well, you've done a good job - this place is beautiful."

There's an honesty in his gentle voice that turns Lance's legs to jelly and heart into a hummingbird that's decided to angrily bash against his ribs. Even his smile is gentle, not helped by the big hand that suddenly appears on his shoulder, tender and electric as his thumb catches the skin behind Lance's collar.

"They must be proud - your parents, I mean."

"Woah- I mean- I hope so too," Lance stammers quickly, too taken off guard to form a proper reply so quickly, "I think- they really like it here, and it's so great to be back with my fam again."

He looks up to see an impossibly gentle smile on Curtis' face, and for a moment, he's lost in soft looking hazelnut hair and the brownest eyes he's ever seen.

Then the main course arrives, and he's forcibly snapped back to reality with _stop making moony eyes at Shiro's fucking boyfriend_ playing in his head.

He's supposed to hate this guy - why does Curtis have to be so nice?

Thankfully the burger he didn't remember ordering is huge and time consuming - this forces him to ignore how Shiro and Curtis had both ordered pizza and were currently sharing half with each other.

Maybe he could've been doing that with Allura, if she was still here.

"Before we start," Lance says before he can stop himself, putting his knife down and picking his glass up as five sets of eyes focus on him, "I think we should honour who we're here for today."

There's a murmur of agreement, of supportive smiles as Keith rises to his feet across the table from him. One by one, they all follow, until Lance is the last to push himself to his feet.

"To Allura."

An echo from the table. "To Allura."

And then, Lance turns like someone else is in control of his actions, unable to stop whilst tears prick at his eyes at the view of the statue above.

"Also, I think Allura would want us to welcome Curtis, the newest family member," Hunk suddenly perks up from next to him, and Lance feels a rush of affection for his oldest friend as he wipes at his eyes hastily, "We hope you'll stay, and, just a warning, and - and Pidge is forcing me to say this - if you hurt Shiro in anyway, you'll be- oh quiznak-"

"You'll be returning to Earth on a blue-lighted medic ship," Pidge fills in for him.

Lance smirks weakly. "And it'll get intercepted half way there by four lions of voltron-"

"And you'll have your remains dumped on a random planet that no one will ever find," Keith finishes, before six glasses get clinked and Shiro throws an arm around Curtis' shoulder.

With that, they sit down, and Lance is fairly sure he feels hands on his back.

Must've been the wind.

* * *

 

"You were right, you know."

Shiro frowns, kicking the pod into life as Curtis fastens his seatbelt next to him. "About what?"

"Lance," Curtis hums, nonchalantly watching through the centre visualiser as Shiro begins the escape out of Altea's gravity.

The worst thing is, Shiro knows exactly what Curtis is teasing him with; his small crush on Lance was a small joke between them, something that Curtis thankfully accepted and accommodated.

"What about him?" Shiro asks again, tilting his head on top of Curtis' as a mop of hair rests on his shoulder.

"He's cute."

A rush of vindication burns through Shiro at the words, and he's unable to force back the gleeful smile that spreads over his face. "So you understand where I'm coming from now?"

"He was really nice," Curtis explains, "funny, interesting - did you realise he was the only one to talk to me properly?"

"I told you he'd make an effort," Shiro sings, followed up by Curtis pressing a kiss to his jawbone.

"What would you say if I said I wanted to get to know him just that little bit more? Or if I said he would be a wonderful boyfriend?"

"I would say that I think those are both brilliant ideas," Shiro all but purrs, "it might take a little while longer than I imagine you'd like, though."

"Is this to do with the Princess?" Curtis suddenly asks, and there's a sudden seriousness in his voice, "I saw the markings, but I didn't want to ask."

"It's probably the best that you didn't," Shiro advises, and Curtis hums curiously, "he's been practically reclusive for the past year, shut himself off from all except immediate family, I- I don't think he's been coping."

"Were they close?"

"They'd been dating for a few months, I'm amazed you didn't see." He laughs dryly, memories of their less than subtle PDA back on the Atlas. "But she- well, you know the story."

There's a heavily silence in the cockpit as memories of Allura's sacrifice floods through the both of them, and Curtis reaches out to place a supportive hand on Shiro's knee.

"So yeah, they were close - and I know, it's been a year and a half, but this is Lance," Shiro explains, and there's an emptiness in his core that he can't explain, "he feels everything ten times over, takes things to heart, and internalises it."

"Does he have a therapist?"

"He says he does but I doubt it - he told me his brother was a psychologist, but I looked him up on the Garrison survivor logs; one's an engineer and the other's an unemployed college student."

Curtis sighs, and Shiro kicks away from the console as autopilot takes over.

"He needs help-"

"I know, Curt," Shiro snaps, but he quickly deflates and lets Curtis undo his seatbelt and pull him into his arms, "god, I know - he did so much for me, for _him_ , and I can't do anything in return."

The mention of the clone goes unspoken.

"I'll talk to him," Curtis promises, and Shiro frowns in disbelief, "I'll pass along Elaine's number, he might like her."

"I've tried-"

"Well, let me try," Curtis urges, and Shiro takes a shaky breath, "let me, my love, and I'll try my hardest."

"You never do anything less," Shiro muses, and allows Curtis to tilt his face up and gently press their lips together.

"Let's go home," Curtis whispers as Shiro practically flops back against his chest, "and we'll talk about it in the morning, deal?"

"Deal."

* * *

 

It's another year later, and Lance honest to god feels better.

He's not just lying to Mama, not just to Allura in his dreams, not even to Rachael when she sticks her nose in his room.

Okay, so maybe he has been talking to the Lady who's number Curtis sent him. Mama saw the message on his phone and wouldn't leave until he rang her. OA one off session turned into two, which turned into her emailing him worksheets and book references, into practically one call a week. It's worth it, if just that he's actually calling Hunk and Pidge rather than brief, one word text replies, and his daily calls to Shiro take place at a much more normal time. He spent a week with Keith helping a rather scared planet return to its old ways from before the Galra, which he _never_ would've done before. Mama smiles wider than ever before, particularly when he sits down for dinner with tales to tell after trading friendly insults with Rachael and Luis, and Nadia actually wants him to read her bedtime stories again.

The only problem is that he's not seeing Allura as much, but Elaine says that's probably a good thing - no ones knows exactly what the effects of Allura's sacrifice are, but she doesn't seem to think the dreams are one of them.

When he does see Allura though, she's always happy for him. She sits and listens as he regales her with stories of the week, and she responds with how proud she is, sensitive and sweet in a way that makes Lance's hair stand on edge and a void to grow in his core.

He's not perfect, and he knows that. There's still nights where he lies awake in bed, nails digging so deep into his wrists they draw blood as he's confronted by images of whatever horrors they experienced during the war. He still dives under tables whenever there's a loud noise, he can't talk about Allura properly without crying or getting irrationally angry, and there are still days where he wakes up without even the energy to leave his bed.

But Elaine calls them stepping stones, and he kinda likes that phrase.

He's also spending more time with Shiro and Curtis, and he's not quite sure what to make of that.

The routine they've fallen into goes like this: firstly, Shiro will call ahead whenever they're stopping on Altea, which has become increasingly frequently. Lance will meet them at the docking port, drive them to the city, and they'll have lunch at one of the small independent coffee houses that Shiro secretly loves so much. Curtis will always pay, and will always secretly buy them all huge slices of cake, and Shiro pretends to be surprised.

"Y'know, we're proud of you too," Curtis says one day, catching Lance off guard as he attempts to blow on his steaming gingerbread latte, "you've come a long way since I first met you."

"Should've taken before and after photos," Lance replies quickly, hoping the redness of his face isn't too apparent.

Curtis shrugs, and takes a sip of his own coffee - americano, one brown sugar - as he leans forwards in his chair. "I doubt you would've let me," he admits with a laugh, "and I can still take plenty of pictures now, if you want-"

"Oh god, here we go," Shiro groans, placing his coffee down to briefly bury his face in his hands, "Curt, not another selfie, _please-"_

Curtis just grins, phone camera open and waiting.

 _"_ He's been like this for a month now," Shiro explains to a bewildered Lance, "how many selfies do you have now?"

"Too many," Curtis answers immediately, "but they're nice!"

Shiro shoots him a flat look, and Lance recognises it as the look Shiro would always give him after a shit attempt at flirting.

"We need one with Lance anyway," Curtis continues, and it seems like that is all it took to convince Shiro.

"Do you want to be in the selfie, Lance?"

He nods and a grin blooms on his lips. "Sure."

It's not even that good of a selfie. Curtis apparently has no idea what angles are, and has trouble holding the camera in a way that doesn't make his fingers block the lens. Eventually Shiro takes over, floating arm instantly finding the right angle, and judging by the victorious smirk that's on Curtis' face, that was the plan all along.

Curtis' other hand, Lance realises, is neatly tucked around his waist, and Shiro's human arm gets thrown over his shoulders. Their touches combined are more than electric, instead feeling like a small thunderstorm is erupting under his skin. He could feel Curtis drum his fingers on his shirt lightly, and Shiro lightly playing with the curls of grown out hair that fell down around his neck. Along with this, their knees are knocking under the table, and Shiro hooks his ankle around Lance's. It's incredibly couple-y - or trio-y, he guesses - all being intertwined like this, and he hates the small, angry part of him that screams that he's intruding on what looks like a beautiful relationship. Shiro and Curtis bicker like the oldest married couple he knows, and yet here they are, fussing over him and spoiling him like, well.

Like a third.

He's twenty three now, and Lance still has no idea how to handle crushes.

The final product is kind of blurred, and Lance looks tiny at the back of the picture between Curtis and Shiro, but they're all grinning, all happy, and none of them blinked, so it's automatically better than some of Mama's pictures. He can see where Curtis' arm slides behind him, where Shiro's hand had briefly let go of his hair, and that lights a fire in Lance that he's completely unable to ignore anymore.

"I'll send it to you," Curtis promises once he's shown Lance, satisfied smile on his face, "I think that looks great - thanks for taking it, Takashi."

With that, he leans behind Lance and kisses Shiro's cheek lightly, and Lance can't help but snort at Shiro's bemused look.

"If the Garrison knew that _this_ is what my arm gets used for, they'd take it off me."

"Takashi, Lance is here," Curtis replies flatly, "I thought we agreed no dirty talk in public?"

That just makes Shiro's face positively burn, and just adds to the fuel that is the wildfire in Lance's brain.

" _Curt_ ," Shiro hisses pointedly, and that's the end of that.

They sit for another hour, which honestly feels like ten minutes, as they trade stories about anything and everything. Most of it Lance has repeated from his calls anyway - Curtis joins in on them a lot these days, and Lance doesn't mind in the slightest - but neither of them mind. If they do, they don't tell him, and Lance doesn't think he's smiled this freely in a long time.

"Shit, I left my wallet in my coat, it's in the car," Curtis suddenly says when Shiro starts to get a little anxious to leave, as if the Atlas would ever take off without them, "can I borrow your keys? I'll be right back."

Lance hands them over without a thought. Funny how he trusts this man more than he trusts some people he's known for years.

Before Curtis can take them though, Shiro nabs the keys out of Lance's hand.

"Backseat or trunk?" Shiro asks with a sigh.

"Trunk."

And with that, Shiro's gone, leaving just Lance and Curtis in the booth.

"So, whilst Shiro is out, there's something I need to ask you," Curtis suddenly admits, and Lance tilts his head in confusion.

He wants to be hopeful, but the last time he was hopeful he got his heart broken, so he's really not.

That's when Curtis produces a small box out the inside lining of his undercoat, and within is a sparking ring. It's simple, just a platinum band with a black gemstone in, no extra diamonds or added engravings.

It's simple, just like them.

"I was thinking about proposing to Shiro soon," Curtis says, "I know, I know, we've only been together two years, but I think the time is right, y'know?"

Lance just nods mutely, and tries to ignore the ice growing in his gut at the idea.

"This may sound stupid," Curtis continues anyway, "I just wanted to have your blessing - Takashi talks so fondly of you, and you're the closest thing he has to family outside of Keith, and-" He stops and laughs weakly- "sue me, I'm traditional."

He shuts the box with a snap, slipping it back like nothing had happened.

So, what was else is Lance meant to do?

"Go for it," Lance says finally, swallowing and looking up to see a deep joy in Curtis' eyes, "you've made him happy, in a way the rest of us couldn't."

There's a hint of bitterness there, but Curtis doesn't pick up on it.

"Are you sure?"

Lance nods. "Certainly - I'm happy for you."

With that, Shiro crashes back into the cafe, and all talk of marriage dissolves into the air.

"Here," Shiro says with a huff - he's hardly broken a sweat despite having visibly ran, which seems physically impossible, "you need to stop leaving this behind."

"You know I only do it to see you run," Curtis flirts again.

Lance, suddenly, cannot wait to go home.

* * *

 

"What did you say to him?" Shiro asks quietly once they're back aboard the Atlas.

Curtis frowns in thought, the drumming of his fingers echoing around the empty bridge room. He knows exactly what Shiro is talking about - Lance left the docking station under a cloud yesterday, a direct contrast to how he'd been for most of the day, and even Curtis can't avoid the fact that he was fine until their conversation about proposing.

"We just spoke about you," he replies, trying his best to be honest whilst still trying to keep his proposal idea a secret, "I don't think I said anything inflammatory."

Shiro deflates at that, and Curtis knows immediately he's taken it to heart. He makes his way to Shiro's console slowly, almost cautiously like he would with a scared animal, but Shiro doesn't edge away. Instead, he leans into Curtis' outstretched arms, allowing himself a moment of weakness to be held.

"Where are we off to next?"

"New Olkarion," Shiro replies, and he sounds happy to have his mind taken away from their previous conversation, "the Andriisks decided to use them as a middle man to join the coalition, so Ryner summoned us whilst we were out."

Curtis hums, keeping his arms around Shiro as he moves to tap some notifications away on his control panels.

"In the meantime," Shiro continues, and the sudden deepness of his voice sends a rush through Curtis' veins, "we have this evening to ourselves."

"What are you suggesting, Captain?" Curtis all but purrs in reply, and Shiro turns his head to suddenly mash their lips together.

It's a slightly rough kiss, and their teeth clack together as Shiro moves his body to properly press himself against Curtis. His eyes slam shut, and the warmth in his body is intensified by a metal hand sneaking up the back of his uniform.

"My quarters, now."

"Yes, _sir._ "

The one thing neither of them can escape though, is the idea that Shiro's incredibly large quarters would feel much fuller if Lance were in there with them.

* * *

 

Turns out Curtis doesn't really waste time.

By the middle of the next week, news of the newly dubbed 'Atlas Engagement' has spread like wildfire. It even made it onto Altea Today, along with Curtis' official photo that Lance has seen a million times at this point and the very excited anchor repeating the same facts that Lance has heard from Shiro pretty much every time he rings.

The wedding won't be for another year, it's going to be a relatively small affair, and it's going to be amazing.

Lance remembers all that a year later, when Mama is brushing him down again. This time though, he's in a three-piece suit, all white with hints of black and the multicoloured Voltron rose poking out of his lapel. Shiro made him his best man, alongside Keith - he has two, for some reason, but then again, this is Shiro.

They were also right about the wedding being a relatively small affair. Barely anyone was there except the paladins, Coran, a smattering of Atlas crew, and their immediate families; they only just filled the clearing where the ceremony was taking place.

And man was it beautiful. Despite it being the depth of autumn, the crisp air combined with gentle fairy lights curled around trees created an almost ethereal effect - Lance nearly cried from the beauty of it all when they arrived, and he may have hidden a tissue or two in the rows of black and white roses that outlined the makeshift aisle. But then again, even Keith couldn't hold back a tear when they finally said their vows, so Lance couldn't really be faulted.

The reception, meanwhile, is a different story.

That particular invitation extended far and wide, so Lance is surprised when he takes his seat next to Shiro on the top table to see his entire family, complete with aunts and uncles, cousins and little ones, crammed at the back of the hall. Mama, Papa, and the siblings are sat much further forward, so he just focuses on them.

Next to him is Keith, who looks just as smart as him; same suit, but his long hair has been expertly braided and decorated with strings of small purple beads.

("Your niece gave them to me," he explains, earning a mortified glare from Lance, "don't look like that, she was sweet.")

On Keith's right is Hunk and Pidge, acting as Shiro's family for traditions sake. It's quite a nice sight actually, that Shiro holds them all in such high regard, and the Voltron rose that bonds them all together stands out on their lapels. Hunk's parents share a table with Coran and the Holts, who couldn't possibly look prouder if they tried, and Kolivan and Krolia sit together on a slightly bigger table at the far side with several other Blade members in ceremonial robes.

On Curtis' left is Ryan Kinkade, who gives his own best man speech to the cheers and jeers of the other MFE Pilots sat directly in front of him. Then next to him are two women, decked in matching lehengas who Lance assumes are Curtis' mothers. One of them - the one with short hair and glasses - notices Lance across the table, gives a wave and a big cheesy grin, and he promptly decides they're lovely.

Overall, it feels like a proper party, and the atmosphere alone makes Lance soar with happiness despite the fact that even being here seemed to hurt.

The meal came and went, a plethora of different dishes and recipes from both men's different backgrounds and personal favourites, and Keith's own speech passes in a blur of tears as he recounts literally everything Shiro's done for him. Hunk has to put an arm around him once he's done, and Shiro physically gets up from his seat to pull Keith into the biggest bear hug Lance has ever seen.

And then it's Lance's turn.

"So, you guys thought it was over, right?" He jokes, earning a mutter of amusement from the audience as he pulls his cue cards from his suit pocket, "one more, then you can eat the cake, I promise - Shiro gets two best men, the Earth is round, and those two are a grossly cute couple, it's just a fact of life."

That gets a bark of laughter from one of Curtis' Moms.

So, Lance takes a deep breath, shudders, and carries on.

"Firstly, congrats to the happy couple," he starts, resting his hand flat against the table to stop it from shaking, "and I just wanna' tell you guys how happy I am - we are - to see Shiro finally getting what he deserves, which is eternal happiness and the love of his life, particularly after putting up with all of our shit every day for practically three years."

He stops to breathe, and allows the audience to chuckle at Shiro's sheepish look.

"Have I ever told you guys how many times this guy has saved my life? It's gotta' be up there in the double figures at this point in time - either from physically carrying my unconscious body across the castle at one point, or somehow talking to me pretty much every day during what could easily be the worst period of my life. So he's gotta be something special." He smiles earnestly, reaching down to pat Shiro's shoulder before throwing it against his own chest with a flourish. "Of course, I'd like to think I saved his life a couple of times as well, but now is neither the time or the place-"

"Hey, Lance!" Pidge calls from his side, "get on with it!"

"Okay, okay," he agrees with a fixed grin, "what I'm trying to say is that Shiro is a pretty special guy, and the bloke he's ended up with? Turned out to be great as well."

With that, he turns to Curtis, who is giving him the warmest grin Lance has ever seen on the other man. There's a sparkle in his eyes that Lance would call love if it wasn't his literal wedding day.

It feels bittersweet; the one time his two crushes recognise and appreciate him is on their wedding day.

He'd call it ironic if it wasn't him it was happening to.

"So," he starts, picking up the champagne flute before him and biting back the sludge-like bitterness in his mouth, "I'll keep it short and sweet - we love you two, and we hope you'll live long and happily together, yadda yadda yadda - to the happy couple!"

There's an echo of his words around the room, and a happy cheer from his younger nieces and nephews, and the bitterness retracts for a second. It's almost as if he's done a decent job, if only judging from the proud smiles on Mama and Papa's faces, and he moves to sit back down until two strong arms fix themselves around him.

Turns out Shiro had stood at some point, and is currently squeezing him so hard he's amazed he can breathe.

"Thank you," he hears in a whisper, and a pair of lips brush his ear in a way that turns his legs to jelly.

Before he can even recover, a second pair of arms join the hug, and Lance looks up to see Curtis' warm eyes and loving smile, and the thought crosses his mind that this is exactly what heaven feels like.

Then they're gone, and the emptiness returns.

He slinks back into his seat with an awkward grin, but Shiro's hand is resting reassuringly on his knee.

"That was brilliant," he says quietly once the desserts are handed out, "thank you so much."

Lance can do nothing but smile and nod, and prays for his emotions to die.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here it is!  
> I hope the ending is sufficient for y'all - here's some sweetness to make up for the pain.  
> Thank you all so much for your support - I'm slightly overwhelmed but thank you!!!!!!!
> 
> Enjoy!

"Mama?"

"Yes, my ocean?"

"Can I talk to you about something?"

It's been a week since the wedding, and Lance is still unsettled. He feels like his bones are all in the wrong place, like his lungs aren't taking oxygen properly, and his heart isn't beating properly. He couldn't even blame Shiro and Curtis for it, since they can't exactly help his feelings for them. 

So he's just stuck back at square one; loathing himself and trying to pretend he doesn't.

But it's a struggle, trying to pretend that he doesn't have huge stinking crushes on a now married couple, and then trying to pretend that he doesn't hate himself for pretending that he doesn't have crushes. Instead he's just tired.

So he talks to Mama. From experience, talking to Mama usually makes everything better, from nightmares as a child to his first crush on a dude in middle school.

"Of course," Mama says, turning in her seat on the sofa as Luis and his new Altean girlfriend awkwardly scoot out of the other door, "come here and talk, it'll make everything better - Rachael, I don't think Lance wants you here for this-"

"I'm staying," she states defiantly, still not looking up from her phone, and Mama apparently doesn't have anything to say to that.

Instead, she taps the seat between her and Rachael, and Lance practically tiptoes in. Almost immediately as he sits down, Rachael wraps her arms around his middle and drapes herself over him.

"Talk," she affectionately threatens, "or I won't let you go."

Then Mama runs a gentle hand through his hair, and the tears spring to his eyes again.

"So, you know about Shiro, right?"

"The man who got married?" Mama asks, and Rachael sighs heavily, "the one who you liked?"

"Yeah, I- I still do," he admits, and Mama nods safely as Rachael squeezes him gently, "but, I- uh-"

"Go on," Rachael urges, "it can't be worse than my first girl crush on my Math teacher when I was fourteen, and I told you  _ all  _ about that, plus the bi awakening-"

"Only because I was also in your class and had to watch you making confused moony eyes at her for four hours a week," Lance snaps, but he can also hear Mama laughing gently behind him.

"What's wrong, Lancey?" Mama presses again, and Rachael huffs.

"You know the guy he married?" Lance asks again, receiving only an interested hum, "so every time I see them, they're really nice to me, and they hug me and hold me and- man I don't know? I'm getting mixed messages?"

"You love him too," Mama states, as if it's the simplest thing in the world, and it feels like a weight the size of the yellow lion has been lifted off his chest.

"I- yeah, I guess I do."

"Well that wasn't so hard," Rachael says with a frown, "you sound like you just needed to accept that yourself rather than us accepting for you - it's only taken you like, three years."

She's got a point, but Lance tries not to feel guilty. He's tried dating - he's dated Alteans, Humans, Galrans, he even dated a lovely Olkari dude for four months before it all went tits up - but no one ever felt right compared to them. Papa always said Lance experienced emotions on a whole different level to everyone else, which explains his two year long crush on Allura, and his nearly four year long crush on Shiro and Curtis.

Mama nods in agreement, and leans in to kiss his head. "Never let it be said that any of my children are simple," she says with a smile, "and I wouldn't have it any other way - you should talk to them? It sounds as if they're as interested in you as you are in them."

"Mama, they literally got  _ married- _ "

"Maybe they were just sure of each other, but not so sure of you - it sounds as if they are now, though, and they desperately want you with them." Mama smiles knowingly, and if Lance wasn't convinced she knows something he doesn't before, he definitely does now. "After all, there's always room at the dinner table, although we might have to buy you a bigger bed - they're both rather large men-"

"Mama, gross," Rachael sighs in fake disgust.

"Look, I'll have to wait until they're back off their honeymoon," he says quietly, and Mama nods in agreement, "so once they're back I'll-"

"Finally make your fuckin' move!" Rachael finishes for him, wild grin a contrast to Mama's, "tell me when you do, I'll help."

"Uh, no way," Lance replies, narrowing his eyes as Rachael moves her hands from around him to rest on her waist, "last time you offered to help with something, it went completely to woblay!"

"I don't even know what that  _ means- _ "

"It's means that it went terribly!"

"That was out of my control, you absolute idiot," Rachael shouts back, and Lance opens his mouth to argue when the scream of the front door opening breaks their attentions.

There's two pairs of footsteps on a panelled wood floor, until the familiar sight of Veronica pokes her head into the room.

"Oh, it's you two," she says flatly, as if that somehow explains everything, "we could hear you from halfway down the street."

"We?" Lance replies with a frown, before Axca appears from around Veronica's other side.

"Paladin," she greets him simply, and Lance just nods awkwardly.

"See, Lance, this is a sign you need to talk to those silly men," Mama says with a smile and a sigh, "everyone is finding love-"

"Weren't you with the Princess at one point?" Axca tentatively asks, earning a bat from Veronica.

"Yeah!" Lance says, before his face falls completely, and the emptiness that has settled in his veins increases tenfold, "she just, turned into reality, I guess."

Axca grimaces, and she looks like the realisation has hit her that she shouldn't have brought it up. "That's- that's rough, I'm sorry."

"But now, Lance has found someone else," Mama quickly follows up, and there's hope in her eyes as she looks between the two parties, "or rather, some other people-"

"Mama!"

There's an embarrassed heat on his face rather than just his cheeks, and he knows that his markings are glowing like lighthouses at this point, but he can do little but bury his face in his hands and hope none of them think too badly of him. Veronica? He could deal with her; she's his older sister, and Mama probably tells her everything anyway once he's gone. Secrets don't really exist in his family, and he kinda loves it.

Axca however? She knows him as a strong intergalactic warrior who helped save the universe, and she just so happens to be dating his sister. She doesn't need to know or see this.

"Who?" He hears Veronica ask, and he doesn't have to look up to see the nosy smirk on her face.

"The strapping young Captain and his new husband," Mama answers in a stage whisper, and Lance groans into his hands.

"Oh, so  _ you're  _ phone guy?" Veronica asks, but there's no judgement to her words, so Lance peeks up from behind his fingers, "in that case, I'm not surprised. It certainly took you long enough."

Lance frowns. "What do you mean?"

"Well we all knew Shiro used to have two crushes - one on Officer Drake, and one on the mysterious guy he would drop everything for to answer his phone calls," she explains, taking Axca's hand and leading her over to the other couch, "then he got with Drake, and we thought phone guy would disappear because Shiro had succeeded in snagging Drake."

"Except instead of that, Drake just joined in on the phone calls, and the two of them always disappeared during docking on Altea." She stops to think, before sending him an apologetic smile. "I think we assumed you were a friend and left it there, but oh well-"

Somewhere in this talk, the weight had returned to Lance's chest. So Shiro and Curtis have  _ both  _ had crushes on him all this time? They practically left him to suffer in silence, made him be best man at their  _ quiznaking wedding,  _ and then completely ditched his calls for a two month joy ride around the universe.

So much for having boyfriends who treat you right.

"Lance?" Veronica asks, snapping him out of his thoughts, "you're spiralling again - I know what you're thinking, and you're wrong."

"What am I thinking then?"

"You're asking why they would do all this without you if they both like you," she succinctly states, and Lance can do little but gasp as she hits the nail square on the head, "and I think it's mostly because they're scared - they know where they stand with each other, but with you? Not so much."

Lance frowns in confusion.

"Drake hardly knows you, so he's scared you don't like him in the same way you like Shiro," Veronica explains with a sigh, "and Shiro, for one, is absolutely useless at empathy and romantic relationships, and two, is terrified you're still grieving Allura and doesn't want to push you and it be the wrong time."

He isn't going to ask how she knows this, but he wishes she could've told him sooner.

"Veronica?" He asks with a frown, "how did you two get together?"

"She kissed me in the shooting range," Axca answers for her, now sporting a satisfied smirk, "admittedly she had to explain what that action meant, but I learn quickly."

Well, that was about as helpful to him as a broken bayard.

"Maybe just talk to them," Veronica suggests, "they're back next Tuesday, grab them then."

That sounds like a plan he could work with.

* * *

Veronica next rings him the moment Shiro and Curtis step foot on the Atlas.

_ "We're docking on Altea for repairs tomorrow, _ " she informs him, and Lance doesn't need to see her face to picture the smirk she's currently sporting,  _ "get a move on, make some plans before they do." _

At that point, it becomes a race against time in Lance's head. He's gotta' formulate a plan, script, and possible endings, actually send them texts to see when they're free and where to meet them, and actually think of something to do-

And then he gets a text from Curtis, and suddenly he can't breathe.

_ 'Docking on Altea for a week or two - repairs - me and Takashi wondered if you wanted to get dinner with us one day?" _

Dinner sounds both horrific and so absurdly simple for them, so it's practically perfect. Maybe he can gently ask them over pudding, or as they leave in the light of Altea's three new moons.

_ 'Count me in :)' _

"What are you smiling about?" Luis asks from over the breakfast bar.

Lance just grins. "I'm going to dinner."

_ '7:30 at Sal's on Friday - can't wait to see you x - TS' _

_ 'He stole my phone - CD' _

Luis just rolls his eyes.

* * *

Thursday rolls around spectacularly quickly, and all of his waiting results in Lance very nearly being late.

It's not  _ his  _ fault that he accidentally forgot where he left the box for his hair mask and then forgot to wash it out since he forgot how long he had left it in. Therefore it's not his fault he had to shower again, it's the companies.

Ergo, it's not his fault that Marco drops him outside the restaurant ten minutes late.

"I see," Shiro says with a raised eyebrow, taking a sip of the red wine that's in front of him, "sounds like you've had a hectic evening - what do you want to drink? Actually, don't tell me, I want to guess."

It's at that point Lance realises he's been to fraught to be nervous, and the anxiety hits him like a fucking freight train.

He's sat at a table with the married couple that he loves more than he's loved anyone since Allura, with Curtis on his right and Shiro in the seat in front of him. He is also incredibly late, and Curtis is currently hooking all their ankles together under the table whilst Shiro scans the drinks menu for something he thinks Lance might like.

"Takashi, I think Lance would like a drink within the next day or so," Curtis prompts after a while, turning to Lance to share an apologetic smile.

Shiro just hums. "Gimme' a second, I'm nearly there - does a juniberry margarita sound good to you?"

In fact, it does; he used to have those a lot whenever him, Hunk and Pidge went out for drinks. Admittedly they do also remind him of a time he nearly died at Matt's twenty-seventh birthday, but he's definitely not telling Shiro or Curtis that.

"Sure," He instead replies easily, but his heart isn't prepared for the puppy-like smile Shiro sends him.

"Brilliant." Before he can stop, Shiro's on his feet, making his way over to the bar with a bounce in his step. It's simultaneously both adorable and mystifying that a simple drink could make Shiro so happy, but Lance is happy to revel in the emotions.

"So, how was the honeymoon?" He asks Curtis, snapping his attention away from Shiro at the bar, "if you don't mind me asking-"

"Of course not," Curtis replies with a bemused smile, "and honestly? It- well, it was wonderful."

He glances over at Shiro again, before smiling lovingly and glancing down at the table.

"But yeah, we saw tons of places, many of them incredibly beautiful, we spent a week at a resort on a Moon of Jendaha, it was-" he stops, twisting his face in thought for a second- "incredible."

"Sounds full on," Lance says, unable to help the smile that grows on his face at Curtis' excitement, "but an experience."

It's then Shiro returns to the table, placing the brightly coloured drink down in front of Lance triumphantly. It's definitely as vibrant as Lance remembers, and the sweet, alcoholic smell makes him both relax and want to vomit.

Then he glances at the soft eyes Shiro is looking at him with, and decides to completely relax.

In his head, this just feels  _ right _ . The three of them, eating dinner together with fancy drinks and lighting that seems to catch their faces at just the right angle. It's almost surreal, and Lance digs a fingernail into his palm just to make sure he's not dreaming.

Thankfully, as Shiro's feet retake their place in the jumble under the table, he's not.

"What's an experience?" Shiro asks dryly, taking another sip of his wine again.

"Curtis was telling me about your jaunt around the universe," Lance explains, finally daring to look up into gunmetal grey eyes, "I want to know  _ everything -  _ it sounds amazing."

"Just you wait until he breaks out the photo album," Shiro replies with cheeky grin, and Lance hears Curtis huff next to him, "then you'll get the full story - there's a tale to go with each picture."

Lance grins. "I can't wait to hear all of them."

There's a brief moment of silence as Shiro shares his grin, but it's comfortable rather that awkward as a menu is finally flipped open. Lance finally dares to take a sip of the margarita, and the sweetness hits him immediately; apparently his reaction is so strong that Curtis places a hand over his on the table, and Lance glances over to see a loving worry in hazelnut eyes.

"Bit strong?" He asks with a laugh, moving his hand slightly to lace their fingers together, and Lance looks to Shiro in worry before he sees the equally loving smile that's on the other man's face.

"I'm fine," Lance assures them, taking another sip for good measure, "I just forgot how sweet it is."

"Just like you," Shiro immediately says, and Lance's head snaps up to see that the phrase was indeed directed at him.

Maybe his heart stops. Just for a millisecond.

"Nice going Takashi, you've broken him," he vaguely hears Curtis saying after a second or two of staring at Shiro in disbelief, "we haven't even gotten our meals yet-"

"I'm fine!" Lance says quickly, shaking his head to mentally recover, "sorry, I- you caught me off guard there, woah."

Shiro just shakes his head honestly, closing the menu gently and handing it to Lance. "It's fine, don't apologise, it's cute," he says with the prettiest laugh Lance has ever heard, "do you see anything you like?"

Well, two can play at this game.

"On the menu, or sitting at the table?"

It's Shiro's turn to blush apparently, and his face nearly glows in the dim lamplight.

"Let's say the latter," he says weakly, and there's a certain pride that flourishes in Lance's gut that he's brought the Captain of the Atlas to a blushing mess.

"Well, then I've narrowed it down to two choices, but I don't know what to go with."

He has no idea where this confidence is coming from, and he's aware it's becoming harder and harder to stop stuttering, but he'll take it.

"I don't think he's setting a price limit," Curtis perks up next to him, and his hand is squeezed again as Lance notices the glint of hopefulness in his eyes.

It's now or never, and his entire body seems to be trembling. This isn't at all how he planned it - they haven't even ordered food yet, and they've been at the restaurant for barely half an hour.

Maybe it'll be okay. Maybe it won't. Only one way to find out.

"Well- well then," Lance says finally, taking another sip of his drink, "if they're willing, I'll happily take both."

There's two sighs of what sounds like relief around him, and he finally looks between them to see a combined hint of surprise, hope, and what he prays is love. It's a view he could hardly have dreamed of, and it physically makes his heart flutter and his soul soar in a way that he hasn't felt since-

Well, since Allura.

Before any of them can say anything, a waitress appears to take their order, and Lance is forced to take a serious look at the menu before him. Eventually he settles on a pasta with some fancy Altean name, and hopes that it'll be okay. He can't stop thinking about what has just occurred, as sad as it sounds, and it's certainly not helped by the pricking feeling on his cheeks that tells him his markings are lit up like a firework show.

"Someone's looking like the Blackpool illuminations," Curtis says with an impressed hum once she leaves, and before Lance can turn there's a brush of a thumb on his cheekbone. It's such a soft action, and Lance is pleasantly surprised by the smoothness of Curtis' thumb and the electric tingle it leaves in its wake.

He's also aware of a metal hand linking with his free one under the table, fingers slotting between Shiro's oversized digits perfectly. It's cold against his warm skin, but it sends a lovely shiver up his spine, particularly when Curtis pulls his hand away with a gentle smile. If he's being honest, he's absolutely loving this attention, and there's a singing in his head that tells him to accept just as much of it that he can get; they seem pretty happy to lay it upon him in their semi-enclosed restaurant cubicle, so he's not exactly going to deny them whilst the thoughts telling him to stop seem to have finally fucked off somewhere.

"How's the Atlas?" He forces out, eager to start a conversation before the thoughts overtake him again, "it must be interesting being back, right?"

Shiro launches into a talk about their life on the ship, which flows the conversation easy from Lance's life on the farm, to the more positive memories of Voltron, to plans for the future once the universe could fend for itself. Meals arrive, get eaten, and taken away, and Lance doesn't think he's ever been more comfortable.

"The Garrison seems pretty intent on retiring me," Shiro muses as he picks at the small bowl of olives on the table, "but- I don't know, I'm not ready to settle down."

Curtis nods in agreement. "I can't exactly picture us in a country cottage, knitting away the next seventy years of our lives," he explains dryly, and Lance can't help but laugh slightly at his delivery, "but it's not exactly like we're going to need jobs - the amount of payout we've received, you more than me Takashi, means we'll probably never have to work again."

"Most of mine's gone to the farm," Lance chimes in, "but I guess you guys are still on board, it's not like you have overheads or anything."

Shiro sighs, frowning again, and Lance wants to do nothing except kiss his sorrowful look away. "It's just, there's so much we haven't done, so many planets to see and races to meet - the whole reason I joined the Garrison was to explore, and it feels like I did more of that with Voltron than I'm doing now-"

"Why not do that then?" Lance suggests, and the other two take immediate interest, "between you, you probably have enough money to buy a small living ship, you could just take to the stars and never stop - it's like a houseboat, but in space I guess."

He looks up to see the most grateful look he's ever seen on Shiro's face - the other man almost looks as if he's about to cry from relief at the thought of not having to settle down and live a regular life, and Curtis reaches a hand over the table to hold Shiro's gently.

"I- does that sound like something you'd like?" He asks Curtis quietly, and Lance can physically see him stop breathing before Curtis finally nods enthusiastically.

"Honestly? That sounds fantastic - like our honeymoon for the rest of our lives," he says, and there's suddenly a heavy silence where Shiro and Curtis just share a look. Their facial expressions change at what feels like a million miles a minute, and Lance suddenly realises they're doing that psychic couple thing of a silent conversation. It's kind of awkward, and Lance tries his hardest to fend off the sudden onslaught of thoughts that states he's intruding on a lovely relationship and only going to mess things up for them.

He fails.

It's another couple of seconds before Shiro breaks into a heavy grin and Curtis nods once in finality, and they both turn back to Lance with determination.

"If we're being honest, it's gonna' be just a little lonely with just the two of us," Shiro explains like he's talking to a scared animal, and Lance's heart decides at that moment to jump into his throat. He's not breathing right, and there's a lump in his throat, and it’s hard to hear Shiro over the pumping of his heart in his ears.

"And, if you were okay with it," Curtis continues, "we'd love to have you there with us, in space, just the three of us."

"We've kind of sprung this on you, and you don't have to decide now," Shiro says, and he's turned into a blurred figure in Lance's sight at some point, "but we both really,  _ really  _ like you- are you okay?"

There's a metal hand on his and an arm around his shoulders, and Lance can't hold the dam anymore. Before he can stop, there's tears flowing down his cheeks, and he reaches up with a shaky hand and a breathy laugh to wipe them away.

"Lance-?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine- these are happy tears, I promise," Lance assures them, hiccuping past tears to take a deep breath, and a warmth settles in his bones as he takes in Shiro and Curtis before him, "I just- I was gonna' ask you guys out tonight, you just got there first and I'm a little overwhelmed? Like, I've always done the asking out, not the other way around, and I'm so relieved-"

"That's the Lance we love," Curtis says with a laugh next to him, and his words do nothing but add to the fire in his veins, "I was getting a little worried there."

"At least we know why you've been quiet all evening," Shiro jokes, and Lance laughs wetly as he gladly accepts a napkin from Shiro, "why didn't you say anything sooner?"

"To be fair, it took a while to get back into dating altogether after Allura, and I didn't realise I loved you until we started having those phone calls-"

"Lance, they started, like, four years ago," Shiro states in disbelief, "have you seriously been keeping this bottled up that long?"

Lance feels himself nod, which only adds to Shiro's apologetic frown, and Curtis begins to rub reassuring circles on his shoulder.

"I was going to confess, but that same day, you told me you were dating Curtis and you wanted to bring him to the memorial meal," he explains, and Shiro buries his face in his hands in what looks like embarrassment, "and then I met you, Curtis, realised you were actually a really great guy, and kind of fell in love with you too."

"Takashi's had a crush on you for ages," Curtis tells him with a playful smile, "I didn't realise just why until I met you properly, and we both agreed there and then that we both wanted you, but we weren't sure if you felt the same-"

"So you got married?" Lance questions with a raised eyebrow, but keeps the smile up so they know he's not really too angry - he couldn't be angry right now anyway, even as the old bitterness roars in his gut.

"That- that was my Mom's idea, she thought we should iron down one relationship then turn our focus to you," Curtis sighs, and there's definitely regret in his voice, "and, I love being married, and we both agree that it was perfect - we just kept thinking how much better it would've been with you."

"Look on the bright side," Shiro suggests, and there's still the hints of a flush on his face, "at least we have an excuse to throw another wedding in the future."

It's now Lance's turn to blush, particularly when Curtis agrees, and the heat pleasantly tingles in a way that he sorely missed.

Curtis draws him closer with that, and Lance decides he definitely loves how he fits against Curtis' side; Curtis is slightly taller than Shiro, and just the right height for Lance to rest his head on Curtis' shoulder.

"Well, we may have fucked it up for four years," Shiro says with hum, and Lance takes a moment to see how beautiful Shiro's smile is from across the table, "but at least we're here now."

He's strangely sleepy now, full of food and love, and the adrenaline that had been present from before has fizzled out like sparklers.

"I can't wait to dick around space with two beautiful men," Lance admits with a smirk, winking at Shiro over the table and loving the instant blush and wide eyes it creates, "count me the fuck in."

"Me two," he hears Curtis add, and his voice sounds like a rumble where Lance's ear is connected to Curtis' shoulder, "sounds like heaven."

He reaches out to hold Shiro's hand again, and for once, he's happy.

* * *

"Mama, for the last time, I'll be fine!"

It's been five years since the end of the war, and a twenty-five year old Lance is about to go back to where he never thought he'd return.

To space.

Behind him waits Takashi and Curtis, busy performing final checks on the small ship - pre-named the GoLion - they picked up second-hand a few months ago. It's about the size of a decent house, which is aptly fitting seeing as Lance is ready to call it home for the foreseeable future, and they've already taken it out for a few week long getaways so Takashi has an idea of how to pilot it. Veronica and Luis helped him 'move in' all his clothes and belongings last week, and today, they leave.

"I know you will," Mama assures him, taking his face between her hands and bringing him down so she can kiss his forehead, "but you're my little boy, and you've run off once before-!"

"But I'm not running off," he corrects her, earning a click of her tongue, "I'm a phone call away, and I've got Takashi and Curtis with me now, I'll be safe."

He turns to see Takashi shooting them a quick wave, and Lance returns it as Mama elbows him gently in the side.

"I do not doubt your big strong boyfriends in protecting you," Mama says dryly, taking his hands in hers, "but space is unpredictable - please be safe!"

"I will, I will," Lance repeats with a laugh, "I'll ring you every week, and I'll send you gifts if I see something nice."

"Lance!"

Before he can turn, two strong arms pull him into a hug. It's definitely Rachael judging by the perfectly manicured hands and hideous amount of bangles, but he turns and tightly squeezes her around the middle anyway.

"Don't fuck up," Rachael says, voice muffled by his jacket, "and come back for Christmas, and your birthday, and thanksgiving, on pain of death."

"Can't believe you're leaving us again, dude," he hears Luis say, but the grin on his face says he's not really angry, "have fun out there, okay?"

He nods, detaching himself from Rachael to pat Luis on the back, and as he moves away, Marco ruffles his hair roughly; it's the same thing he's being doing since Lance was a kid, and he groans affectionately at the mess his hair is now in.

"Don't waste it," is Marco's advice, "you've got the universe at your fingertips, Little bro, enjoy yourself."

Before he can reply, Veronica steps out from behind him, punching Lance supportively on the shoulder before turning her attention behind Lance.

"Oi, Drake, Shirogane, get your asses over here," she calls, and the family share a laugh as Takashi and Curtis awkwardly make their way over.

Veronica then proceeds to attempt to wrap her arms around them both, prompting the other siblings to join in on the hug - Takashi just seems to accept it, but Curtis' look of mild terror makes Lance snort from laughter.

"Hurt Lance, and we're coming for you," he hears Veronica threaten as the crowd backs off, "don't think that just because you were my commanding officer doesn't mean I'll break your remaining fingers if you break his heart."

"Duly noticed," Takashi replies, "I don't doubt you on that one, trust me."

That's when Mama makes her way forward, pushing through the gap between Luis and Rachael to pull the two into an equally big hug of her own. He's happy Mama has taken to them so well; the few times they've been over they've gotten on a like a house on fire, particularly Curtis. It's awesome to watch, and Lance can't help the swell of joy that comes from them truly becoming part of his already huge family.

"Next time you come back," she instructs, "get Lancey to ring me; you must come round for dinner and tell me everything."

She stops to pat their cheeks lovingly before stepping away. "You're part of the family now, and we are so happy for you, all three of you."

She turns to kiss Lance one more time as he takes his place on Takashi's other side, before moving to kiss them as well.

"Now go," she tells them, "before this lot kidnaps Lance."

There's a mock gasp from who Lance assumes is Marco, and Takashi happily throws an arm around Lance.

"We'll take care of him, don't worry," Curtis assures her, "and we'll be back soon."

Lance waves one last time, and with that, he heads onto the ship.

Takashi walks ahead of them, sitting himself in the driving seat and firing the balmeran crystal engine as Lance and Curtis buckle up behind them. There's a thill in take off that Lance will never forget, be it in a Lion, the Atlas, or this new ship that he's ready to live out his life in, and he can't help the rush of joy that he gets from tilting his head back in his seat and feeling the artificial gravity kick in.

Beside him, Curtis links their hands together, fingers knocking against the makeshift platinum band Lance sports that ties the three of them together. The touch grounds him, and combined with Takashi's smooth voice updating them on their status, he's fairly sure that, in this moment, life is perfect.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we are now outside the reaches of Altea's gravity," Takashi says in his best captain's voice, smoothly pulling Lance out of his thoughts, "it is now safe to undo your seatbelt - thank you for flying with GoLion airways."

Curtis barks a laugh, quickly clicking off his harness to run over to Takashi's seat. Lance follows, but stops for a second to look out the huge front screen at the planet before them. From this distance, it's all he can see, as blue and beautiful as the day they first saw it. There's a pang of sadness in that, but a little voice in his head tells him that this is exactly what Allura would've wanted.

He's not forgetting her. The time has come to move on, and she wants him to be happy.

"Sweetheart, are you okay?" He hears Takashi ask, and he shakes the thoughts away as he looks to where Takashi has risen to his feet.

"I'm fine," Lance assures, walking over to where Curtis is waiting with open arms, "It's just, it's so beautiful."

There's a hum of agreement next to him, but he glances over to see Takashi's face fixed on him rather than the view.

"Indeed it is," Curtis agrees, and there's hands on his waist spinning him until he's facing the other man, "what a sight indeed."

Then there's lips on his, and Lance feels his soul properly ascend.

Curtis is definitely  _ wonderful  _ at kissing, Lance decides, as smooth lips begin to move against his in a beautiful, languid dance. Each movement tingles as Lance happily leans into it, and he feels Curtis thrum with happiness as he looks up into hazelnut eyes. From here, he looks like a galaxy of browns and greens, and it's the last thing Lance sees before his eyes slide shut.

Then Curtis pulls away, but before Lance can open his eyes and whine, a second pair take over. He looks to see Takashi before him now, shining an ethereal silver in the light of Altea, who smells like home and musk. His lips are more chapped then Curtis', but the kiss is just as deep, just as loving, and Lance feels himself properly melt into the two pairs of hands that have fixed themselves around his middle.

"I love you," he hears Shiro murmur against his lips, followed up by Curtis pressing a kiss to Lance's neck.

"I love you too," he stutters in reply, pulling away from the dance to take a deep breath, "the both of you, so much."

He hears Curtis laugh behind him, and the love he feels is almost overwhelming.

"I love you dorks as well," Curtis agrees, "my paladins."

"I'm yours," Takashi says, "I can't think of any other people I'd rather spend the rest of my life with-"

"Oh, and thank you, both of you," Lance suddenly feels himself saying, and there's an honesty in his voice that even he isn't prepared for.

Curtis hums in confusion. "For what?"

"For not giving up on me."

Takashi frowns, and then, another kiss is pressed to his lips. Curtis just holds him closer, arms wrapped firmly around his waist, and Lance thinks that this is exactly how he wants to spend his life.

"We would've waited forever for you," Curtis admits, "so thank you. Thank you for bearing with us."

* * *

That night, for the final time, he dreams of Allura.

They're in the GoLion's entrance, Allura waiting by the airlock in her paladin armour, and Lance can't help the sense of finality that courses through his veins.

He misses her already, but he knows in his heart that she has to leave. It's inescapable, but that doesn't mean he's not allowed to be sad.

"My work here is done," she admits honestly, taking her helmet in her hands and smiling at Lance, "I think you can survive without me now."

"But Lura-"

"No buts," she says firmly, and places the helmet on a hook next to her as she glides over and takes Lance in her arms, "I have to go, you know that."

"I know," Lance admits, and he can't help the tears that are suddenly dripping down his face, "I just- I miss you."

Allura just sighs lovingly, pulling him into a friendly hug. "You'll make it," she tells him, "you're stronger than you know, and you have Shiro and Curtis with you now - let them help you."

His thoughts wander to his boyfriends, curled up in the huge bed that they had to break down an internal wall for in order to fit it in the ship. They're probably sound asleep, and bittersweet love beats through him with every thump of his heartbeat.

"I will," he tells her as she grabs her helmet off the hook again, "be safe."

It's Allura's turn to nod, slipping the pink helmet over her hair one last time as she turns to the airlock. "Don't worry about me," she tells him, and there's a hint of excitement to her voice, "I'll be just fine."

As if on cue, an old Altean pod docks at the side; there's a figure in there, but Lance can't make out who it is. Maybe it's Lotor, or Honerva - it might even be Alfor, but he's not sure. Either way, she's happy, and that's all he could ask for.

"See ya' later, alligator," he calls after her - it's not goodbye, instead a promise that they'll meet again one day. It might just be that the day they see each other again is the true day that Lance dies, and he's surprisingly okay with this.

Allura grins, opening the airlock and waving him goodbye. "AfterIn a while, crocodile."

Then the airlock slides shut, and he can only watch as she jumps into the open space before him. There's a rumble as the pod zips through space, and before Lance can make it to a window, she's gone.

He then wakes with a snap, eyes flicking open to the dim light of their bedroom on the ship. The only light in the room is from Takashi's alarm clock on the table, and a gentle blue glow that he assumes is from his cheeks.

"Sweetheart?" A tired groan echoes from next to him, and it's only when Lance tries to turn that he realises that his cheeks are sticky from tears, "is everything okay?"

"Yeah," Lance replies simply, letting Takashi roll him over and gather him into one strong arm as Curtis just mumbles in his sleep behind him, "yeah, it's just, she's gone."

"Who's gone?" Takashi asks again, hand reaching up to thumb at the markings on his cheeks.

"Allura," Lance says, "I- I used to have dreams about her, but she told me today that she's leaving - apparently I don't need her anymore."

Takashi hums in acceptance. "We'll never replace her," he muses, "but we're here for you."

"I don't want you to replace her, and I've never seenms you as replacements," Lance counters, "but thank you."

As the hand cups his face, Takashi kisses him lovingly, the sluggishness of  sleep infecting his every move.

"Lance, your ears-"

"My what?"

It's then that he reaches up with his own hand, feeling for ears that he now realises are sleek and pointed, just like Altean ones. Something in his brain tells him they're Allura's last gift, just like his markings and the lion connection, and he smiles happily at the thought.

"They're beautiful," Takashi breathes, "you're beautiful."

"Who's beautiful?" Curtis suddenly slurs from behind Lance, grip suddenly tightening as he shuffles up the bed to plant his face in Lance's neck.

"Lance," Takashi says simply, "now go back to sleep, the both of ya.'"

Lance smirks. "Aye aye, Captain."

With that, he feels Curtis go lax around his middle again, and the faint flow of Takashi's breath over his hair evens out within minutes.

Here, curled up between the two men he loves more than anything else, Lance finally feels free.

Maybe now, his life can truly begin.

* * *

_ I can't be too late, to say that I was so wrong _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> EDIT 24/1/19: Seki has produced some downright gorgeous art inspired by this fic!!!! It’s gorgeous and beautiful and gentle and fills my heart to the absolute brim with love T-T please go give them the support they deserve!!!! https://rustdust.tumblr.com/post/182221555875/i-was-late-in-discovering-this-months-prompt  
> EDIT 30/03/19 - turning anon comments off for a bit. Sorry folks.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading!!!


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